Thursday, March 20, 2014

March Madness

It has been forever since I was here last. Where has the time gone? I have been awful about updating in the past, but never have I ever taken this long of a break. So much has been going on, I have lost huge blocks of time to these projects.

2014 I have made a commitment to being a better person. A better person to myself really.  I happen to be a pretty good person to others. However, I am not a good person to myself. I put my husband, three kids and my friends in front of me. Well I am now trying to change that. The biggest change I have made in 2014 as well as in 2013 is that I have walked away from friendships. Now if you really knew me, not by my blog, but actually knew me, you would know that friendship is everything to me. I mean everything. There isn't anything I would not do for a friend. Including doing it to the detriment of myself. Well that has stopped. I have walked away from four people at this point.  As hard as it has been for me, it has been the biggest relief ever!  One friend was not a friend for long. She was really very rude. Very blunt. Always talked about friends behind their backs. I had never experienced anyone so toxic. At first I thought maybe I was just sensitive. Maybe I just could not get used to her personality. I blamed myself. Then I told myself that her bad traits were not a big deal because she had great traits as well. I think it was around the time that she told me that one of my best friends had a child that was Autistic and that my friend was the worst mother that she had ever met, that I decided that I needed to get far away from her. Who says that about a friend of theirs? Even if you truly feel that way, why would you ever verbalize that to anyone?  She was convinced that my friend's child was Autistic or that this child was the way he was because her parenting was so awful. She neglected her child and fed him horrendous food. That really threw me over the edge. Then another time she told me to "Shut Up" when I was trying to help her find something. It was at that time that I decided that I would in no way ever put up with her crap again. She is a nasty person. It isn't me. I am not too kind or too sweet or too sensitive.  I am all of those things, but those aren't bad traits at all.  Needless to say that I needed to get away from her. It has been a year since I have done so and what a glorious year it has been.

The next friendship I had to walk away from happened over the summer. I had to walk away from two at the same time. It was a shame as I had been friends with them for three years, but I didn't have any other options. I put all of my effort into this friendship and yet it still was too hard for me to do it alone. One person wasn't so bad. However, they are the best of friends, so what else could I do? I had to walk away from both. I got exhausted constantly asking them if they wanted to hang out with me or with me and the kids. They could never commit. They were too busy. Well that is fine, everyone is busy. However, you can't be so busy that you never have time unless you really just don't want to bother. That is okay too, just don't leave a girl hanging.  I just never felt like I could get a commitment from them and so I had to walk away. It wasn't for lack of effort because I tried for a very long time. Finally I had to throw my hands up in the air. I threw my hands up in the air when I saw that they had time for each other, but not for me. So clearly they were trying to tell me something. I got it loud and clear!!!!

The last friendship I walked away was more recent. It was in January. Unfortunately I couldn't save it. I was the only one holding up the friendship after eleven years.  She chose someone incredibly toxic, loud, obnoxious and cruel instead of me. What can I say?  I was worried about this friendship for a year. I kept saying that we needed to stay strong and keep our relationship separate from her relationship with Ms. Toxic. However, she couldn't do it. She had to talk about me and my life constantly to the other one and the other one would tell her to get rid of me. Clearly she was too weak to see what was really going on. If she only knew what Ms. Toxic has said about her behind her back. I know what was said about her, but I never shared it with her. How could I? It would have devastated my friend who was like family to me for almost eleven years. I didn't have it in me to break her heart. In the end, she chose her vs me. I thought the good guys always should win, but I guess that isn't true. She rather change teams and go down a nasty path. Well she is welcome to it. I reached out to her recently because she was going through some tough stuff. What a waste of time. She couldn't even be bothered to say "thank you." Very sad. She is in her 40s and can't say thank you when someone reaches out to her? Especially someone who had no desire to reach out?  Shame on her.  I look at photos and remember all of the good times we had and I get sad. However, then I realize I am mourning who she was and not who she is now. She has fallen so low at this point, that she has "refriended" a friend of mine that she hated. She could not wait till I said goodbye to the other friend. The minute I did, she deleted her relationship with her. She should never have friended her in the first place as she was my friend and not hers. Now the two who could not stand each other are friends again on FB. Who does that? Why cheapen yourself and refriend someone who you couldn't stand just because we are no longer friends?  Just more proof that I did the right thing. I don't need these people as I have some absolutely wonderful people in my life that don't make me feel small while they are puffing out their chests and making themselves feel bigger. That isn't really friendship at all. Sad that this person had such low self esteem that they had to actually constantly put me down in order to make themselves feel bigger. Well I could go on, but I have wasted too many years on this person and her family and I don't need to waste one more moment on her. I have to chuckle a little bit because they are all now friends on FB. Ms. Toxic couldn't stand the born again one and vice versus and yet neither would agree to delete each other. One thought the other one was cheap and the cheap one thought that one was dirty and neglectful. I always kept this all to myself.  I have never shared it with any of them. I am not going to now either. I just have to chuckle. They can have each other. Toxic breeds toxic. All of them deny that I walked away from them. They can't even tell themselves the truth. Very sad.  Oh well, none of them are my problem any more. Life has never been so anxiety free! Onwards and upwards!

So as you can see, 2014 started off with a bang!  So far so good though. In addition to all of that stuff that has been going on, we have been our usual busy family. Shayla had basketball every week. We have gotten together with a lot of friends for play dates and then there are the appointments and school. I have subbed in the school as well.  I love subbing, I really do.  I also had an endoscopy that went fine.

In February we had a few Chinese New Year parties to attend. That was fun.  My kids like to go, go and go. They don't like down days like most kids!  We also were very busy selling Girl Scout cookies. Both girls are in the Girl Scouts. We went away for a long weekend. It was actually Valentine's Day weekend. We had the best time. We ice skated and went snowshoeing. That was so much fun as the weather on that Saturday was picture perfect. The kids swam in the pool for a few hours at night. After they went to bed, Bill would read or watch TV and I would sneak out to the movie theater they have right at the resort and watch a movie. I saw two great movies while I was there. Then I would catch up with my People magazine. We also attended a presentation on sled dogs. We then went outside to meet the furballs. It truly was a beautiful weekend. It was very relaxing even though we were super busy the entire time. The kids are begging to go back. Right after that weekend, we went into February vacation. It was a great week. We saw a lot of friends. We went bowling one day and ice skating on another.  We went to the movies and went out to breakfast. The week flew by. I was really sad to see it over as the kids had a wonderful week and were so well behaved. I was so proud of them.

Shayla got to sleep with her Brownie troop at the Ecotarium and my Daisy chick got to visit a shelter that has just cats. I went with her. It was wonderful. The cats were all incredibly sweet.

Bill worked some during the month and is working on weighing all of his options. He gets to walk this May at graduation. That will be here before we know it!!!!

March has been great so far. Basketball is over, so we all miss that. However, soccer and softball will be starting soon.  I have been able to go out during the day with a few friends I don't see often and that has been fantastic. We had friends over for dinner one night. That was a great time. The kids had a blast.  Shayla and Daddy went to the Sharks game with the Brownies.  I have been able to see one friend who has been house bound due to an injury and another friend that was home on maternity leave.  Manny had his first birthday party to attend alone with his classmates.  We went into Chinatown with three students from MIT. They are mentoring the kids. Trying to keep the Chinese culture in Shayla's heart. The three ladies are wonderful. We all had a great time. We had dim sum and the kids did origami. We had a Behavior Specialist in our home for the last three months, but we no longer are having her to the house. Believe it or not, we don't need her. She is wonderful and we will miss her. There isn't anything for us to work on at the house. It is really in the classroom. Manny struggles with transitions at school. So unfortunately, having the BS here at the house was not helpful because we are already doing what we need to do. I do believe Manny just needs to mature some. Time will tell.

We aren't out of March yet. We have another week or so to go. I have to say that March has been fairly enjoyable. We are excited that we have arrived at the first day of Spring.  I can't wait to plan our summer activities. The kids are dying to swim and frankly, I could use a little sunshine. I can't wait for the kids to get out of school. They love school and having them home full time all day long can be difficult, but they are healthier when they are not in school.  I can't complain as they really have done well compared to some children this year that have been taken down by sickness over and over again.  However, I just love summer now. I love the sun. I love swimming. I love the pool we go to now. I love the playgrounds. I just love being out. Feeling very cooped up at this point. We have had a tough Winter. Cold, snowy and tons of ice. Bring on the good weather and fun outings. That is what it is all about, is it not?

Well I best get on to the next thing I have to do before I sit and watch a little bit of TV.  Hope you are enjoying your family and friends.

Mama Out!!!!!

Dinner after a fun indoor play place
Lunching with the girls
Lion Dance
Me ice skating with the chickens
Ice skating with Evan
Our oldest chicken
Crazy cat family
Manny singing at Lisa's house with Emily
Chinatown fun