Limited Sightings

I saw Sophie tonight. I was thrilled. I didn't see her all day, but I have the last two days. I still have not seen Lily. It makes me think the worst:( I am just not the same without my two family members!!!!!!

I am having a hard time with life right now. I find it awfully depressing. There has been a lot of death around me lately. It's not affecting me right now, but it is affecting others. A firefighters wife just lost her dad. He was elderly and hadn't been feeling well. My friend Donna's father in law is in tough shape and it won't be much longer before he passes. Someone at my old work place just died of cancer. Another person at my old work place is very ill with cancer and she is my age. What is this all about? I feel like life is this sick obstacle course that you run through and if you are lucky, you don't get hit with cancer or an awful accident. Then you get to make it to your ripe old age and die anyway!!!!!! Then you go into the ground and poof, you are done existing! Bill says that you then get to live a long life in heaven. Really? Are you sure? Is there a heaven? Is there another place? I would love to believe it, but is this place made up because we can't face the truth? The truth is we go into the ground and 2 generations later, you don't see a soul at your grave site? No flowers? No tears?

Why was my dad taken at 60 and my mom at 70? Why are my cats missing? Why did I have infertility? Why am I overweight? If you say it's cause I eat too much, I will kill you so shut it:) I feel like I have been given my lot. Why is this all happening? Why do some people seem to escape it and seem like they have a charmed life? There are always others who have had it worse than I. I get that. My friends have heard me say a lot of what I am saying here. I just don't get it. I want some answers and dammit, now would be nice!!!! Bring home my cats for Pete's sake. Let me and my husband and Ping and the 4 cats live in peace for awhile, please.

I worry now that we have Ping, that something disastrous will happen to her or us. After all, happiness is snatched away quite often. Does anyone feel this way???? Bill thinks he should own a Super B since life is so fleeting. So having a serious discussion with him is pointless as you can see. However, he does know how to use his charms. NO SUPER B BABY!!!!!!!

Maybe it's just that I miss the girls, haven't seen one in particular and that bugs me. All that plus a lot of people passing away or quite ill. Maybe it's just all too fresh or much right now. I really don't know. I just wish someone would stop shaking the freaking snow globe and let the snow sit still for awhile! PLEASE!!!!!

Sorry to be so melodramatic. I don't mean to be a downer. I just use this blog to think out loud!!!! I am so grateful for the wonderful friends I have and am making now that I am home with my Pingster. I am grateful my husband is employed and we have a decent but dirty roof over our heads. I am grateful we have gas prices as high as they can be! LOL. Long live the gas tycoons!!!!! I really am grateful for what I have, but I want to walk into a closet with everyone I love, sit down, shut off the light and stop life.

Mama Out!