Friday, March 28, 2008

Early Intervention Specialists

We had 3 EIS women come to the house today. They thought Shayla was very bright. She was behind in language (big surprise) and cognitive skills due to the language issue, but they believe she will catch right up. How can she not with me at the helm? LOL.

We headed out for some Mama Juice and then to the cleaners shortly after they left. I decided to run by the malll to return a few things. After I made the returns, I decided to hunt for a basket to hold her toys. I am getting rid of the one I bought because it is not holding up well. So I wanted a different weave. Well I found one. Score. Then I decided to go over to girls clothing. WHY? Before I knew it, there were 7 or so outfits in the basket. Who the heck did that? Shhhh. Did I ever tell you that Ping loves to shop? She is out of control. I personally don't like shopping. Odd, I know. So there I am throwing in some outfits, and she has picked out about 10 of her own and has put them in the cart. SNEAKY BEAST. Well I pull her away from the clothes and quickly dump her choices. I know, very mean. However, she was not being very selective in her choices or sizes to say the least. So we blow up to the register and pay. I am paying attention to Ping, while the woman is ringing stuff. She proceeds to tell me that I can't take the cart from the store. I was in a TJ Maxx/HomeGoods. I can't? Really? Are you sure you old biddy? For the love of Ping, NO SHIT. I wasn't going to. I know you don't take carts from the store. Do I look like I am stupid? Have you been reading my motherhood tales? I hope not. If so, the comment would have made sense I suppose. Well I digress. The woman puts all of the clothes in this big heavy basket and squeezes it into one of the thinest plastic bags I have ever seen. I kid you not, I was 2 steps away (trying to ditch the cart) and the thing totally split open. Here is the problem. I don't have the stroller yet. I will be getting it at the shower per my friend. So I have to manually put my hand in my child's paw to walk. How does one do that with a basket and clothes? I turn around and tell the lady that I need another plastic bag and let's put it on the other way. Another customer in line even said that the bag would never hold the stuff. So see, it's not just me (contrary to what my hubster believes). So I ditch the cart and hobble away with the kid and the basket. I head to the next store. This is truly a hardship. I wish I could do the whole balancing of the basket on my head thing, but it is not happening. So I am walking and spinning while saying "Ping, Ping, this way, no don't go in that store baby, no keep going straight honey, blah, blah, blah." She walks into a hair accessory place. It has more than just hair stuff. It's called "Claires." Anyhoo, Miss Ping like a hair scrunchie. She pulls it off to look as fat mama is sweating and still trying to hold the basket. What does the little tyke do? She takes the hair thingie off AND the little pole it was hanging from. DILEMNA. I can't touch her because my hands are full. So she tries to walk off with it. Yo kid, that is called stealing!!!!! So I guide her back with my talking to her. I finally grab the damn thing and throw it on top of the stand. What is a sweaty basket holding mama to do????? Off we go. We go to CVS and also Old Navy for a return. What am I thinking? I can not shop with all this stuff and a small child. I need to adjust my life. When will I learn???? So we are in CVS and I get so frustrated looking for stuff, that I throw that basket down. Meanwhile she has grabbed a big ball. DAMN IT ALL. I need to get this stuff, the bag is wearing thin and I have to carry more stuff and ditch a ball. This is nearly impossible. So what do I think I should do? Crumple to the floor, call my husband and tell him to come find my ass in the aisle of CVS. He needs to carry the basket and I need to stop sweating and ditch the ball. Maybe I could watch Ping too. Small thought:) However, I am a MOM now. I can handle it all!!!!! Pingmeister goes down to the end of the aisle and literally pulls the plastic bag so it comes closer to me. Is that not beautiful? What a helpful girl I have. So I say "forget this, let's hit the open road." I pick up my stuff and walk towards the balls. I get her to drop it and leave it, which is pretty amazing. I guide her to Old Navy. As I am standing in line waiting to see about this return, my sweet girl is looking out the window at the people walking past the store. All of a sudden, she reaches down her pants and Pull Up and comes up with a few fingers and decides to smell them? At the same time, she is literally waving to some elderly people outside. I was beside myself. Where did THAT come from? She is waving and laughing and I am sweating and dumbfounded. So I reach the kid at the counter and he tells me I will get a credit in the mail. Well at that point, I just told him to forget it. I grabbed the pants and headed out the door with Ping in tow.

At this point, Ping is losing her mind looking at everything. The DAMN BAG breaks. OMG, my child is wandering, my stuff is all over the dirty floor and I am trying to manage both. So I start saying "Ping, PIng, PINg, PING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, get over here." Luckily she came. She so lovingly tries to help me get the stuff in the bag, but the bag is busted. I am so pissed off at the TJ Maxx lady that I end up snapping outloud. I say "Ping, I don't give a shit about the damn bag, can you help mama carry this." I am losing my mind in the middle of the mall, I am swearing and people are looking. UGH. How many mother points can one lose in a day? I wasn't at all mad at Pingster. She doesn't even recognize that I am frustrated, so I am glad for that. I teach her how to help mama carry the basket. She takes one handle and me the other. She thinks this is great fun. She is smiling and laughing and then boom. It's boring. She drops the basket and everything falls out AGAIN. It's okay, the white turtle towel, the cute wooden sign for your room and the cute white clothes I got you love it hitting the floor. So I put it all in the basket and Ping starts to wander again. SHOOT ME. I throw the pocketbook in the basket, pick it up and off we go. I throw the two plastic bags at TJ Maxx as we walk by. We then go outside. I had to literally hold the stuff, it's raining out and I had to get Ping and I across a busy street. Well we did pretty good. She started to wander, but I stuck the basket in front 0f her and was able to divert her. We get to the truck, I put her in her car seat, I put the stuff in the trunk and realize my pocketbook is in the basket still. I get out, get the pocketbook and then head back to the driver seat.

She sits in the back seat giggling away and I feel like I have been to Mommy Bootcamp! We get home, Bill comes home minutes later and they have dinner. We then do a fashion show. Everything fits. YAY. One thing got into the bag that was wrong. A small yellow size 12 month sweatshirt. I will not rat on the small being that threw this in. Can't throw the child to the wolves, right? I see a return in my nearest future. This time I will go armed with BIG ASS PLASTIC BAGS, in case they are needed. Look out old biddy, I am coming to get a cart!!!!!!

Time to hit the hay.

Mama out!


Every Day is a Party! said...

you should have called me from the mall.... I didnt want to go out, but it sounds like you really needed the HELP and I would have suffered the going out to help a friend in need! Also, would you like to borrow our stroller til you get your new one???

Catherine said...

oh Jill, you had me laughing out loud at this story! I feel like I was right there sweating along side of you!