Thursday, March 27, 2008

I Love My Little One! HOWEVER,

This day was ordered up from HELL.

First of all, I wouldn't trade my sweetie in for all the tea in China. Maybe ice tea from Dunkins...hmmmm.

Today was a very difficult day. We had a 10:15 appt. at the bank. I get up to someone telling me in Chinese to HURRY. We have a poopy diaper. I am just shocked! LOL. She knows the drill now. If we are upstairs in my bathroom, I put her up on the tub surround. There are two steps. She is on the first one. She turns around and sticks her butt out at me while walking right and left. She puts her arms on the step above and just goes back and forth while humming a tune in her language (I hope). So I carefully take off her Pull Up, wipe her down and then head for her room to get dressed. This is becoming a routine! So she gets dressed and takes off. I take a shower, get dressed and make my bed and then hers. I pick up anything hanging around and put it away. I always grab the daily laundry and bring it down the stairs. Well today I had a lot to carry, so I threw her sneakers down the stairs and then the laundry. The laundry covered up my husbands two pair of sneakers. So I head down the stairs. About 5 stairs up from the bottom, I slip. It wasn't pretty. I hurt my left knee. Mind you this could hurt a small human, never mind a large human who is flailing around trying to grab onto something. So I get up all mad and hurt and put my sneakers on. Well girlfriend has already taken off her socks. She has also added three jackets to her ensemble. WTH? Grrrrr. So I put her sneaks on without the socks. I rip the jackets off to her dismay and we quickly brush our teeth, have our fluoride pill and our vitamin and head for the the door. Mind you the kid has a terrible cold and with that a snotty nose. GROSS! I feel extra bad for not having socks on her. I am now feeling like someone that doesn't have it all put together. I am pretty sure I will be staring on "Motherhood Gone Way Bad" soon. I am now looking like the typical run down mom that doesn't have her crap together. I am ready to trade in the house for a 6th floor walk up apartment, so I can fit the part more.

Anyhoo, we come back from the bank and I get a phone call. I am only on for a few minutes. I get off and decide to go look for Pingmeister. She is too quiet. Well all of a sudden I hear a piercing scream. I go to the family room and there is Ping and Neesha in a stand off. Neesha won. My poor baby. I felt awful. She must have terrorized Neesha and so Neesha struck back. She struck badly. She must have put a paw on each side of her face as there were 3 to 4 scratches on each cheek. One under her eye too. They were all bleeding. Broke my heart. I don't blame Neesha. Ping probably ran up to her while she was sleeping. So I put cold water on both cheeks. One is really bad. I actually put a band aid on that one.

First the chick has a rash, then a cold and now this. Her poor face has been through hell. I brought home this adorable cherub and now she has many battle scars. It will all get better though.

After this catastrophe, I decide that I am hell bent on getting some stuff accomplished. I am going to overcome my drained feeling, I am going to make Ping behave and be quiet and I am going to feel good by the end of the day. I can do this. WRONG. We are not home more then 10 minutes when Miss I Want To Drink Out Of A Cup And Daddy Let Me Last Night grabs her remaining PURPLE juice out of the fridge. Did I mention it's a cup and NOT a SIPPY CUP??? Well she manages just fine till she hits the dining room floor and tries to put her PURPLE juice up on the table. SPLASH. It goes everywhere. All over the dining room, up the walls, on the trim and even into the inlaw. What can I do but shake my head and figure out how to up the Cyanide dose for my husband who let her drink out of a cup cause she wanted to.

I get up, get 100 paper towels and proceed to clean up the juice while I tell the sister not to move. I could see her walking through it and then the house. She stays! Good! I run out of paper towels. I go into mom's side and grab more paper towels. I lean over to get the rest of the juice and literally I go down into a split. I $%^& you not. I literally am suspended in air with one leg going one way and the other going the other. I debate how to get out of this predicament. I can't help but contemplate about how I am going to do in my family members if I survive this. Who does splits anymore? If you are not an Olympic gymnast, you do NOT do splits. They are for trained thin folks. So I figured out to flop onto my side. Mind you, Ping is staring at me in amazement. Probably wondering if she can out run me once I am done with this split thing. So I literally sit there, catch my breath, evaluate my injuries and look at her. I pulled a muscle in my back. No problem as my knee now has company. I proceed to clean the juice with the assistance of Ping. That was sweet. She figured she had to do something to save her little life!!!!

Can I just say that at 3:15, we both laid down. She needed a nap because she has the cold and I needed 10 minutes of peace. She got up a short time later and then daddy came home. I love watching his car pull in. I proudly yell "BABA IS HOME." I got NOTHING done today. I am so bummed out about that. Ping is now running around chasing Neesha. Why doesn't she learn that she is not going to be making friends if she keeps doing that?

There are a few cute things I must share. The phone rang an hour ago. I got the phone in the hallway that is not cordless. Ping comes around the corner and hands me the cordless phone. What a sweet baby. Yesterday when Ping hit my ice tea and a little time passed, she went in my office and grabbed my other ice tea that was in a bottle. She came over to hand it to me but then made a turn. She went to the kitchen and got the blue insulator and put the bottle of ice tea in it. It was so cute. I use the insulator on my large ice teas from Dunkins. It keeps them cool. Right now as I am typing, she is on her little car and going back and forth. She is kissing daddy's butt when she backs up. She then goes forward and then backs up and kisses it again. Adorable. She is twisted I tell you. TWISTED.

I was very worried about my mental health today. I swore I was going to break down and cry. Now of course it's funny. However, I try to evaluate how I can do this better. I have yet to find the darn secret. I am tired and worn out and haven't felt like myself in awhile. My head always feels a little fuzzy, like I am catching something. Maybe I just caught MOTHERHOOD and I don't know it? I try to imagine people looking in my windows. All I can imagine is people seeing a fat woman chasing after a screaming kid from room to room and trying to dodge the obstacles. I am hoping that by the time Shayla goes to college, I look a little more put together. The alternative clearly is me living in a big white room, dressed in a white hospital gown and a drool bib while my smart child is off saving the damn world!

This mama is signing off!



Every Day is a Party! said...

Wow, this sh*t is a LOT funnier when it is happening to someone else. Thanks for the laugh!

Norah said...

Ummm, wow. I think I am speechless! What a day!

Christina said...

"However, I try to evaluate how I can do this better. I have yet to find the darn secret."

Honey, the secret is, you break down and cry when you have to! And then you laugh about it later.

So THIS is why you emailed me halfway through the day and asked me to babysit? I get it!

You're doing great, I promise! :)